Sometimes its easy to negotiate, but other times, when we have a great deal at stake or we are upset, the task can be intimidating or difficult.
If you "win" there must be a loser, and that can create more difficulty down the road. The best perspective in negotiation is to try to find a solution where both parties "win". Try not to view negotiation as a contest that must be won.
Becoming Emotional
It's normal to become emotional during negotiation that is important. However, as we get more emotional, we are less able to channel our negotiating behaviour in constructive ways. It is important to maintain control.
Not Trying To Understand The Other Person
Since we are trying to find a solution acceptable to both parties, we need to understand the other person's needs, and wants with respect to the issue. If we don't know what the person needs or wants, we will be unable to negotiate properly. Often, when we take the time to find out about the other person, we discover that there is no significant disagreement.
Focusing On Personalities, Not Issues
Solicit The Other's Perspective
In a negotiating situation use questions to find out what the other person's concerns and needs might be. You might try:
What do you need from me on this?
What are your concerns about what I am suggesting / asking?
When you hear the other person express their needs or concerns, use listening responses to make sure you heard correctly.
For example: So, you are saying that you are worried that you will get lost in the shuffle and we will forget about you...Is that right?
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State Your Needs
The other person needs to know what you need. It is important to state not only what you need but why you need it. Often disagreement may exist regarding the method for solving an issue, but not about the overall goal.
For example:
I would like an hour on Tuesday to go to the doctor. I want to make sure I am healthy so I can contribute better to the organization.
Prepare Options Beforehand Before entering into a negotiating session, prepare some options that you can suggest if your preferred solution is not acceptable. Anticipate why the other person may resist your suggestion, and be prepared to counter with an alternative.
Don't Argue
Negotiating is about finding solutions...Arguing is about trying to prove the other person wrong. We know that when negotiating turns into each party trying to prove the other one wrong, no progress gets made. Don't waste time arguing. If you disagree with something state your disagreement in a gentle but assertive way. Don't demean the other person or get into a power struggle.
Consider Timing
There are good times to negotiate and bad times. Bad times include those situations where there is:
. a high degree of anger on either side
. preoccupation with something else
. a high level of stress
. tiredness on one side or the other
Time negotiations to avoid these times. If they arise during negotiations a time-out/rest period is in order, or perhaps rescheduling to a better time.